Zola Jesus

Last saturday I went to the Zola Jesus gig at Debaser.
And yes, it was simply amazing.

I've been a fan of her music for some time now, and so I just had to go and see her. Apparently half of Stockholm had the same idea. I stood in a line, waiting just to get inside the doors for one hour. It was -1c and I was wearing hotpants and lace tights. And for those of you that don't know where Debaser is, it's right by the canal at Slussen. I can't remember ever being that cold...
I got in, ordered a drink and was quickly warmed up by the fact that you simply could not stand still when the concert started. What can be a bit monotonous at the records was transformed into something that worked just like chanting a mantra. You felt enveloped by the music, and how such a small woman in a pale sheet can be so bewitiching to watch is beyond me, but she was. The only fault was that the concert was way to short, or maybe I just lost track of time? When she finally left the stage for good it felt like a deep loss. I just wanted to stay there for the rest of the night, swaying to the music and feeling like a part fo something more.

If any of you ever get the chance to see her, do it.



I found the best pair of leather shorts ever today. I passed them by on Beyond Retro and I thought: "Oh, those are so pretty, but they'll never fit". But they did. They fit so perfectly it's almost like they were tailored. Second hand shorts and trousers never seem to fit me otherwise. Don't know why.

Also, it was sunny today so I sat in the sunshine with all the other sun deprived swedes and drank a Creamy Caramel Frappé. My kind of coffee. Or, I guess it's long stopped being coffee after all that cream and caramel sauce... someone once told me my taste when it comes to coffee is quite ridiculous.


Very quick thing


Been playing an insane amount of Mass Effect 3 lately. Although I had the facial problem that almost everyone else seems to have, it was nothing that a good amount of time and patience couldn't fix. It's honestly a great ending for the saga. I like how each game has an entirely different gameplay when it comes to what your goal is. it makes sence. In the first game it was all about exploring, you were clueless about what was going on. In the second you got to find a lot of allies, people who could help you figure it all out, and on the way you really got to know the characters. Now it's full out war and you have to build an army that can actually win a huga battle. After so many games you really care about this world, you care about the characters and sometimes you have to make tough decisions that might end up killing someone you really like. It's awesome.

One of the problems is that I miss some of the characters. I know it's no place for so much socialising in this game since it's, well, a war, but I still miss them. Characters like Kazumi, and my favourite. Jack. Jack is my absolute favourite character in the whole series. She's the ultimate bad girl, but she doesn't feel like a one dimensional paper cut out. And honestly, she has got some wicked sence of style: 

People never sieze to confuse me

Since last september I've been interning half time at a bookstore that's all about science fiction, fantasy and horror. It's even called the Science fiction bookstore (SF-bokhandeln). I really love it, but sometimes the customers are really strange. And no, I'm not talking about the nerds, they are nice. 
One of the more puzzling things is when people come in and ask us if we carry "normal" books. Or come in asking if we have some very popular title that you could likely find at the local supermarket. I don't get this at all. There are so many bookstores in central Stockholm, or department stores like NK or Åhléns that carry books. Wy do you bother to find on of the most obscure bookstores in the city?
It's not irritating or anything, just very puzzling...

On another note my cold is still thriving. Now it's affected my sinuses. I just feel utterly miserable.


For some reason I just really miss my grandmother today. She died in the beginning of march 07. Almost 5 years ago. I can't believe it's been so many years since I last saw her, or head her. I guess it's me being very sick, and tired, and the smell off coffe brewing that set it all off. She used to have coffe all day long. There was no crisis to bit for a cup of coffe not to make everything all right. She liked hers boiled like in old times, pitch black and strongly resembling tar. Her brew was infamous. I never drank though, I just watched her drink it in her small floral china cups. There so much I want to tell her, so many things have happened in the past 5 years. It's half a decade! I just miss her so much.

I'm a bit sad tonight.

When gluttony saved the day

Yesterday we were given cake. Delicious chocolate mousse and truffles cake. I even had seconds, and I'm really happy for that.
I woke up this morning with the feeling of a hedgehog lodged in my throat. I don't feel like eating at all. At least not anything with more of a texture than fermented milk. I'm going to need all those calories from yesterday.
Tonight I'm just going to wallow in self-pity, watch films and hope for a better tomorrow.
Poor me...


Last night I was really bored and decided to see if I could paint bruises with make-up.

I think it turned out quite good. Strangely my face started to look all miserable just from wearing bruised make-up. I've only fixed the colours, making them more green/purple. I think it helps the mood.


Because my newly washed fringe is more weirder than yours.

Late Night Epiphany

It's half past 3, in the middle fo the night. I've been looking at silly history sites for hours. On my back with one leg bent in a really awkward angle. My back is so stiff it might crack when I try to rise and I'm pretty sure my left foot has given no vital signs for the past hour or so.
Now you may say that I would be better of going to bed, and yes I probably would. Problem is, I'm not very tired and I really just can't bother with sleeping right now.
The thought just struck me that it's a lot of hard work being so completely fucked up.

And I mean fucked up in the most endearing sense.

Attempt at Realism

It's been such a long time since last I drew something "realistic". So... self portrait! It's done very quickly in Photoshop. I know the hair is not at all what my hair looks like nowadays but I've used my real hair colour and a haircut I used to have years ago. Or maybe not haircut since it was the total absence of a haircut. I was such a little hippie back then...


Last night I had one of my very rare experiences of being caught between the states of being asleep and awake. I was fully aware from the beginning that this was the case, but it's still very unnerving. I had a destinct feeling that my body was not staying still in bed, I felt like I was being watched and I had sudden flashes of strange creatures hidden in furniture and shadows. After a while I fell asleep for real and I woke feeling absolutely fine.
The human brain is a strange and wonderous thing...

On the subject of sleep disorders. This painting was one of the creepiest things I knew when I was a child. It actually gave me nightmares for years (sleeping, not half awaken ones). It's interpreted to show the phenomenon of sleep-paralysis, something I've experienced three times. The first two times I was quite sure that I had finally lost my marbles. Thank godness for google and libraries. After that I've come to think about these rare occurances as creepy but fascinating.

Now I'm off to bed again. Hopefully my brain will decide to fully fall asleep this time.

Dead Russian Brides

Sometimes I really miss the time before Galliano made a disgrace of himself. Everything was so exquisite.

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